Mothers must be willing to make mistakes

There's a reason babies don’t come with instructions! Each baby is unique, every parent has their own style, and every family has its own dynamics.

This is why mothers often struggle to find what they truly need amidst the overwhelming flood of information. In fact, excessive external noise can make it challenging to bond with your baby. The only way to rise above the onslaught of advice and activate your intuition is...

MOTHERS MUST BE WILLING TO MAKE MISTAKES

Mothers are nurturing and resourceful, having been successfully raising children long before the increase in parenting books or the internet.

They don't require saving. Mothers are the heroes of their own motherhood journey, navigating through the chaos by embracing the beautiful messiness of parenting and engaging actively with their little ones.

Every parent must learn to understand their baby, rather than relying solely on books or the internet.

Whenever a parent tries something new (which may sometimes lead to mistakes), they act like scientists observing responses, adjusting strategies, and collecting data about their baby and parenting approach. It’s akin to earning a degree at university, followed by a master’s, and then a doctorate, all focused on the singular subject of Your Child.

With time, you will grow more confident and discover what works best for you and your little ones. Until they change things up and you feel like your starting again…parenting is such a rollercoaster.

As your Doula, you can foster a safe environment for this experiential learning and the inevitable missteps along the way. I can share information grounded in scientific evidence without judgment, allowing you as parents the freedom to make the best choices for yourself and your family.

Reconnecting To Yourself In Pregnancy

Connection is our birth right, but it’s in danger. More and more we are finding ourselves in our heads losing the connection to our own bodies. Education and society also keeps us in our heads, and this is at the expense of our bodily instinct & wisdom.

Reconnecting to yourself and your body when your pregnant can be so empowering. Simple adjustments in your day to day can create new habits which will strengthen the connection to your body, which many of us have lost along the way. Rediscovering this skill and learning to reconnect to yourself in pregnancy is also a great tool to take forward into your labour and your journey as a parent.

With that I just wanted to share a couple of things that anyone can do to reconnect with their bodies.

Pilates and similar embodied arts like yoga is often described as the Dance of Breath a Movement which beautifully sums up birth too. The breath helps centre us providing you with oxygen rich blood, gives us focus and can allow our mind to relax and our body open. Focusing on your breath has been shown to alter your brainwaves in a positive way, decrease stress hormones, blood pressure and increase oxygen levels and relaxation.

Practising movement with breath work in pregnancy prepares you beautifully for birthing your baby, whether that’s home birth, caesarean birth, hospital birth, whatever your choice, it will influence a more positive experience. Dancing through contractions has lots of benefits and can help baby descend into your pelvis. You can then take these skills you have learned forward to adjusting to life as a new parent. There will be times you will feel overwhelmed and centring yourself with your breath will help you clear your mind. Movement with your baby will soothe your baby, soothe you and support bonding.

Modern society is overwhelming, the constant juggling and expectation of more, so it is no wonder we are disconnected from ourselves. The above advice does not cover only pregnancy and about but moving forward into your role as a parent.

So with all of that said it is no surprise that at the top of my top five list for reconnecting to your body is.

How to reconnect to yourself in pregnancy

Dancing and movement

Dancing during the first stage of labour can decrease duration and intensity of pain. Instinctive movement can help your baby move down into the pelvis  and will divert attention away from any unwanted sensations. Dancing with your newborn is also a wonderful happy hormone release and the moment is incredibly soothing for your baby.

Slow down and be present

Remove yourself away from the noise, switch off technology and pay attention to what you are eating, how you are feeling, how the leaves are changing colour. Note how this makes you feel.

Go outside

Feel the sun, wind and rain on your skin. Blow away the cobwebs and clear your mind. Fill your lungs with the gorgeous fresh air and oxygenate your blood.

Question authority

Stay connected to your own genuine needs and desires by being in the body. Be your own guru and don’t feel guilty for taking the time you need to keep yourself well physically and mentally.

Be creative

Do more of what inspires you. Paint, make something, read, take a warm bath with your favourite treats. Do the things that you love but you never find time for – make the time. Feeding your soul opens you up to so much peace and joy.

Now it is important to note that equal measures of rest and movement are important. Tuning in to your body will help to find the right balance for you. Breath work can be a key tool and influencer in how we are feeling. When it comes to birthing your baby, if you are too much in your head or adrenaline is taking over it will disrupt the flow of oxytocin which is a key hormone in birth. Breath work & instinctive movement can break this process.

And Doula Diary was born…

Dear Doula Diary,

It all begins with an idea. Doula Diary was born following the birth of my daughter Olivia on the 13th August 2021 at Stoke Mandeville Hospital. On Wednesday 11th August1pm (ish)I had a trickle down my leg. Did my waters just break or had I peed myself? I genuinely wasn’t sure so I Googled it which wasn’t really helpful. I decided to see if labour would follow and carried on about my day. Nothing else happened. Thursday 12th August me and my husband decided I should speak with the midwife. My midwife told me to go to the hospital to get checked, without even questioning this I did as I was told and was checked. Little did I know at the time that this could be damaging to the natural progression of my labour and also would introduce infection. Without much thought, as I was hoping that The hospital staff would confirm that I would be welcoming my baby, they confirmed my waters had broken but they hadn’t “popped” completely. This is where the cascade of intervention began, I did not know it at the time and I would have done things so different if I had prepared myself differently. Due to the hospital protocol they wanted me to start on 4 hourly IV antibiotics as precaution (infection risk) and I was to be induced the following day. I thought this was over the top but I complied as I thought that they would know best, I put my trust in the service provider and not myself. Working for the NHS for the last 10 years I did not think this trust was misplaced. As I was working through a mixture of emotions I had to fight for my husband to be able to remain with me as they would not let me go home. We offered to pay for a hotel near by so we were close to the hospital, anything to not be separated. Eventually once the night staff had come on and the day staff had gone home they allowed my husband to stay and for us to finally get some rest. It was a very unsettled night and I was praying that labour would start spontaneously.

Friday 13th August cervix closed so to help things along I requested a pessary as the reading I had done had said this may help speed things along. I know better now but in the moment for my first birth I thought this would help my situation. 1st pessary inserted 01:30 and I tried to get some rest. Nothing happened (Surprise!). Later that morning at 12:15 I was checked and my cervix remained closed, I was very disheartened. Certainly know good hormones floating round my body at this stage. Before I was to be induced I took the opportunity to have a bath and then I was induced at 12:45 which was ticking along, I had a lot of nausea and vomiting throughout my pregnancy and I vomited again the morning of the induction. When the induction started I used a tens machine initially to manage any pain. I thought this worked well, I know that induced labours could be more painful and wanted to try and manage the pain as best as I could with limited drugs. When the induced contractions stepped up a level I had a practice with the gas and air. The consultant then came in to do a stretch and sweep and a hook to properly break my waters at 15:25 (this was brutal!) Crazy contractions minute apart minute in length started not long after this with babies heart rate raised! The consultant checked my Cervix and I was only 1.5cm. It was described to us that it was like trying to push a baby out of a keyhole on a closed door. I do not really recall much more other then some paper being placed in front of me and the health care staff “informing me” of the risks to a caesarean. It was too late, I had no choice, I was in pain, something was not right and my baby was in distress. I scribbled something that looked like my signature. With baby distressed, heart rate over 200 and everything a blur, it all happened so quickly and Jack (my husband) held my hand every step of the way. We were rushed to theatre, I had a Spinal block, urinary catheter inserted and a Cat 2 Caesarian Birth. The spinal block was very surreal and made me feel even more vulnerable when I already felt helpless.

Jack got to cut the cord and have a cuddle whilst they played some relaxing music and put me back together. The theatre staff were very lovely and tried to involve me and honour my wishes as much as possible. Olivia was born. Time: 18:41 on Friday 13th August weighing 7lbs 3oz. She was here and she was safe! I however, was broken. All I remember repeating whilst I was in theatre was that “this is everything I did not want!’ This is where the journey began to understand my own birth story, heal from it and find myself wanting to ensure your birth is in alignment with your vision and that you are prepared. Part of my recovery has been facilitated by becoming a Doula and finding a village of women and birthing people who have either a passion for birth rights and birth or have had their own birth trauma to deal with and found themselves wanting to make birth and postpartum the empowering and transformative experience that it should and can be, if we understand the physiological process of birth and have the confidence to trust our instincts. I can 100% support any birth providing that the mother understands their options and can make informed choices that is right for them. I am particularly passionate about first time Mum’s achieving ANY birth as long as it’s what they have chosen without coercion. I am also very passionate for second time Mum’s achieving vaginal birth after caesarean (VBAC) or home birth after caesarean (HBAC) as this is what I am aspiring for my next birth and I know with the right support around us we can achieve it!